[MP.G] My Pet Genius and the recording of "Empire Of Light"
This ride courtesy of the lizard king. #tryingtosetthenightonfire #mpg #empireoflight

This ride courtesy of the lizard king. #tryingtosetthenightonfire #mpg #empireoflight

VICE don’t know shit.

I normally avoid Vice’s bullshit click bait but this time they hooked this fish with their list of The 123 Worst Musicians Of All Time. It’s obvious that a good majority of these are meant to elicit some kind of reaction - an easy task with anything that claims to be definitive these days.

Not aiming to prove them wrong or anything, just wanted to challenge myself to come up with a shining moment for each of these artists, however brief some may be. I did this off the top of my head so its by no means meant to be the artists’ best. In some instances they’re just the ones that stuck. I will say I have liked all the songs here at some point in my long life. And yes, that does include Madonna’s “Express Yourself.” Fuck it, that may be the theme song for this post.

In the end I agreed with 5/123 (Animal Collective, Grateful Dead, Modest Mouse, NoFX, Phish) and was stumped by 4 (Beyonce, Darkthrone, Jawbreaker, Amy Winehouse).

With a cumulative 9/123, or 7%, its my “educated” opinion that expert is obviously a term the Noisey team should reconsider using.

The “Very Best” Of The “Very Worst”

AC/DC - Dirty Deeds

Aphex Twin - Windowlicker

Fiona Apple - Criminal

Beach Boys - God Only Knows

Beastie Boys - Sure Shot

The Beatles – Rain

Beck - Nobody’s Fault But My Own

Bjork - Hyperballad

Black Flag – Six Pack

Black Sabbath - War Pigs

Blondie - Hanging On The Telephone

Bowie - Life On Mars

Bright Eyes - Lua

Kate Bush - Cloudbusting

Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues

The Clash – Radio Clash

Elvis Costello – Radio Radio

Crass – White Punks On Hope

Cream - White Room

The Cure - In Between Days

Daft Punk – Da Funk

Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck

Dinosaur Jr - The Wagon

The Doors - People Are Strange

Dr. Dre - Forgot About Dre

Bob Dylan - Lay Lady Lay

Eminem – My Name Is…

Eric B & Rakim - Paid In Full

Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

Foo Fighters - I’ll Stick Around

Fugazi – Do You Like Me?

Marvin Gaye - What’s Going On

Green Day - Longview

Guns N’ Roses - Mrs. Brownstone

Whitney Houston - Saving All My Love For You

Jimi Hendrix - Castles Made Of Sand

Hole - Doll Parts

Iggy and the Stooges – Search and Destroy

Iron Maiden - Run To The Hills

Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Startin Somethin

Jay Z - 99 Problems

Elton John – Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Janis Joplin - Take Another Little Piece of My Heart

Joy Division - Transmission

Judas Priest - You Got Another Thing Coming

Kiss - Strutter

Lynard Skynard - Free Bird

Madonna – Express Yourself

Bob Marley – One Love

Metallica - One

Minor Threat - Minor Threat

Misfits – Last Caress

Van Morrison – Have I Told You Lately

My Bloody Valentine - Don’t Ask Why

NAS – N.Y. State Of Mind

Willie Nelson - Always On My Mind

Stevie Nicks – Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around

NIN - March Of The Pigs

Nirvana - Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle

Notorious BIG – Big Poppa

N.W.A. – Straight Outta Compton

Outkast – Hey Ya

Pavement – Gold Sounds

Pearl Jam – Black

Tom Petty – Don’t Come Around Here No More

Pink Floyd – Breathe

Pixies – Alec Eiffel

The Police – Bed’s Too Big Without You

Elvis Presley – Suspicious Minds

Prince – Kiss

Public Enemy – Can’t Truss It

Queen – Under Pressure

Radiohead – Idioteque

Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name Of

The Ramones – I Wanna Be Sedated

Rancid – Salvation

Otis Redding – Try A Little Tenderness

Refused – New Noise

R.E.M. – So. Central Rain

The Replacements – Here Comes A Regular

The Rolling Stones – Wild Horses

The Roots – What They Do

RUN DMC – Its Tricky

Rush – Free Will

The Sex Pistols – Pretty Vacant

Slayer – Raining Blood

Smashing Pumpkins – Mayonaise

Elliott Smith – Miss Misery

Patti Smith – Because The Night

The Smiths – Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me

Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run

Sonic Youth – 100%

Rod Stewart – Do You Think I’m Sexy?

The Strokes – Last Night

Talking Heads – Life During Wartime

Justin Timberlake – Pair Of Wings

Tool – Sober

A Tribe Called Quest – Can I Kick It?

U2 – Red Hill Mining Town

Velvet Underground – All Tomorrow’s Parties

Tom Waits – Downtown Train

Kanye West – Touch The Sky

The White Stripes – I’m Slowly Turning Into You

The Who – I Can See For Miles

Wilco – Heavy Metal Drummer

Stevie Wonder – Higher Ground

Wu Tang Clan – Shame on a Nigga

Yes – Roundabout

Neil Young – After The Gold Rush

Frank Zappa – Valley Girl

Head into the light #empireoflight #mpg

Head into the light #empireoflight #mpg

They don’t make much as smart as this any more #happy20th #portishead #dummy

They don’t make much as smart as this any more #happy20th #portishead #dummy

Clouds bring magnificent hailstorms. @mexicanslang @buzzrecords @runianrun @wavelengthmusic #endlesssummerfestival  (at Vintage & FLEA)

Clouds bring magnificent hailstorms. @mexicanslang @buzzrecords @runianrun @wavelengthmusic #endlesssummerfestival (at Vintage & FLEA)

Jangle. #steveshipmann #thelandofno #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic  (at Vintage & FLEA)

Jangle. #steveshipmann #thelandofno #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic (at Vintage & FLEA)

Yes, young grasshopper. #oneofakind @grasshoppertoronto  (at Grasshopper Records)

Yes, young grasshopper. #oneofakind @grasshoppertoronto (at Grasshopper Records)

A song from their new incense. #newhorizzzons #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic

A song from their new incense. #newhorizzzons #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic

Demonic possession. #alphastrategy #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic  (at Vintage & FLEA)

Demonic possession. #alphastrategy #endlesssummerfestival @wavelengthmusic (at Vintage & FLEA)

Chaos. #k-os #wolfeislandmusicfest  (at Wolfe Island)

Chaos. #k-os #wolfeislandmusicfest (at Wolfe Island)